Hey alex and Jack,

It feels as though I never started teaching at all and as though I never liked it in my life. It just feels as though the life has been sucked out from me and I dread preparing for lessons. Why does things turn out this way? I cannot comprehend.
Im sorry to all my students cuz they truly deserve somebody who would sincerely care for them. I used to have that zest till like what? Today, 5pm? With all these things going on around me I start to lose faith in the people and the profession. Is this what is supposed to happen? First my friends go, taking away all distraction. Then a new batch of "formal" so to speak people come in, then I'm left on my own. To think perhaps? Then the person I so look up to starts revealing the other side of her, making me lose ground. Apparently this makes her shortcoming more obvious. Another aim of God i guess. Why revere man so much when God is there?
Im more independent now, more reflective, anticipating the change of things around me. I dislike my workplace environment. To say that its not the least blessed would be an overstatement I guess. By right, im supposed to be preparing for my lessons tomorrow if not i would just smoke my way through.

This is not good.
Seems like teaching is not cut out for me after all. If I never had the zest for it in the first place I probably never would in the future. It'll all just fizzle out. Im losing hope and love I guess. I do not know what I would do if i end up teaching those classes for the rest of my life. just give up.

zzz.