oh God. I'm at my wits end. I do not know what is coming for the next few days. Why should my mother so extra go talk to him? Its just like waking the devil UP.?? Why why why. should just keep quiet but no. you can't keep quiet. God will convict him and not you. Don't take the effort cuz its no point. He has not changed yet so don't talk to him. Oh God we really need your help and your peace. Silence them oh God.

hey alex, Tmr is a real busy day.. Busy as in real busy. Physically busy moving from here to there busy. Zzz. help me fall asleep? Musnt think too much. Short post this is going to be. so long alex, (:

hey alex, if I don't say this, I cannot sleep. All was well... Until today. Sigh. I ppl telling me I'm hu tu or I'm this.. That. I don't even do that to them wth. Its not even funny. You think now this princess attitude of yours can just put ppl down. It will just come back and bite you in the ass. All things are like that aye? If u want something you're just nice to that person and tan xiao pian yi is so horrid its a sin. I've come to realise that the friendship between us will just be like that, blowing hot and cold cuz its hard to progress if you don't open UP. I've stopped doing that ever since the end of last year. No need cuz its not reciprocated. Alex, I need to meditate. Getting angry before bed isn't going to help me sleep. Its like eating hot chili tuna before bed. I tried it before and ate the whole can. Almost died. (: Shit. Summore I have to go with her and she would look down on me.. She always does. With that princess attitude? Please lah. Like I saw the Damn word wrongly and she says no what.. Its like that. I'm not even asking you. So proud for what. I just don't understand. Even that girl in Sec 4 is quite proud, can feel it but she is always willing to help. Funny thing. I miss my old class and the ppl sitting around me.. I will always appreciate them. you actually don't appreciate things unless you've suffered. its just like that. I wish hc guy was here in my class and I can just heck all this bitching and live. that's why cliques DO NOT WORk. I don't believe in it. unless all are Likeminded that is. (: why was that happy face for? Seems as though there is some hope but just that there's no avenue for it to show. Ahh. I'm hungry. So angry till I'm hungry. At least shijie knows how to have some fun. -.- its just the way ppl act that makes you irritated. Alex, u know I'm rather sensitive So.. yeah..... That explains why I murdered someone. Dunno. Is it time for another? (: wait till I upload a more gothic pic. Hoho. alex, when will you ever be here in person? I have waited for 4 years alr. ): I know all my thoughts are rather random and stringed together inaugurated haphazard manner. but wth. I know you understand every sentence, every thought behind this. (:

Thats why I'm writing to you. and I know you'll always be here. (:
Chellest.

I hate you losers, all of you. Lazy creatures, close to good for nothing. Causing trouble everyday. Just get out and perish. Putting words into other ppl's mouths. Losssser. Ultimate. never ask permission then start using things. You don't deserve anything. You don't know self control and if we can't control you then the state will control you. That's better I guess. alex, wish u were here. to knock some sense into other ppl's dense minds.Getting other ppl into trouble and setting them UP.?? loser. want me to stop resenting you? Its kinda hard cuz I won't do it. Too bad.

Alex, be here. I'm always going to speak to you whenever I feel like this okay?

..... Hey alex, I want protected, undisturbed time to go out like complete my chores. I still haven't gotten that time so far maybe on a weekday when its super rare. If there's no pe then can go back at 1. -.- in a million years that is. Just very irritated when I think of People usurping the time that is meant for me.Its not for you so u already went out freaking yesterday and u have 3 tests this week and you still dare to go out. What about me? I know I'm asking what about me but you are Sososososososososo selfish to keep taking my time away from me.Now she has to go fetch you after school everyday and that is ridiculous absolutely. I don't think you are true to your actions and you're just wasting people's time. Alex, wish you could be at home everytime I come back from school (: oh man. I must tell you about the hc guy. )): its coming to the end already alex and nothing is happening. I wish something could but it happens in my dreams than reality. Harhar. Unrealistic. check. Wrong time. Check. Then if you were really here I don't have to feel so jealous. Mum always tells me meI don't get angry...I have to fully meditate in order to not please. Then we could just go and take pictures at night or any time of the day and you could just appear and disappear as time requires you to. That's why I always wanted a guy twin. Time is always not enough. For anything.

gggggggggggggrrrrrrrr.
Har. The flash of lightning just flashed onto me.. joke of the year. Sososososososososo angry. I wish my dream like literally dream can come through and you could hand me your phone. (: many times we meet yet it does not progress from there. Only recently did I open my mouth and told u I know you and u know me too. (: after this year we won't get to meet for the rest of our lives alr. But that's okay.

alex. I know its the wrong time to blog. But I have no choice.
I am plagued with so many issues. They keep coming. And they don't stop. What am I to do? Its like the reversed way. instead of me telling my problems. Disturbed, yes, very. then what. The issues end with me? I'm the final issue acceptor -.- other people might have their own problems but at least they do not have to bother about them. Its none of their business. But no, I'm part of that business I don't want to run. I guess I'm going alone this wed, then another time, alone. Wished I had a twin who could accompany me and share my worries. Totally in sync and we do not have to Quarrell. unfortunately life is such that its unfair and we're meant to suffer. If not we would alr be up in heaven. -.- alex, wished I could live in ur house with robin. I know u and her have issues but at least its not ur fault. Most of the time. (: then we will not worry about not having enough money. you could run with me. Feed the fishes together. (: you too are plagued with problems, more difficult ones. But u solve them somehow. Can you do that for me please? ): immortalize yourself and appear.

Lots of love forever!
Chellest

alex, i just remembered my dream. I was in a warehouse, like in an industrial estate kind of warehouse. It was raining very heavily and i was with someone running from the rain. there were many houses behind,not hdb flats, private properties that were pitch dark. people were already sleeping and im not sure why the warehouse had sun coming through the front porch. it had many holes in the ceiling, like it was made on purpose. rectangular spaces that the rain could come through. i ran across a road and many people were standing at the side, avoiding the rain.
I ran past them and went inside, and found the warehouse a paper front. behind housed many private houses. I ran into one house, it had no front door. I reached the kitchen of my junior's (amelia)'s house. It was dark and i was looking for something. suddenly she appeared at my side, asking what i was looking for. she was clad in a long dress and she had long hair. she wasnt surprised that i was in her house. She asked if i wanted to look in her fridge but i declined and left.


just like that a random one.
there was a better one alex, real heartwarming and worth thinking about. i went snowboarding with a friend. damn fun, sliding down a slope with a sleigh. ron was his name. real random.
then we had to move through forests that had mines and traps on the ground. there was snow everywhere. i remember this bridge that had a manhole and an x across it.
but i ignored it. then we were at the foot of a block, hdb flats where alot of people, students congregated. we were all looking for someone.

man, here comes the interesting part i shall leave out. (:

gtg,
love you alex.

alex, reacher! Arg. my throat is sandy and I am stuck here listening to the argument that irritating cfb is saying. I bet he is trying to cover up for his misdeeds. About that bloody girl. I can't stand her really. But I'm fortunate that she is not in my school cuz I will do some unthinkable thing, but not to you reacher, cuz you have done things worse. (: your latest is great, love your thoughts behind the investigation. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention griff burkett. !! Innocent man (: I wish you were around. (: smack some sense into that cfb cuz he is thickheaded! I bet you can bribe her into leaving. Get reacher to back you up and there you go. Get rid of all my problems. And mum's.

ALEX! JACK!

its been more than a month. been thinking about the roles i may play in future. ..... (: been reading about the ST kilda's consulting and i absoutely love JOE FAROE. he's like the new dillons savich. the more high tech, but no less family man. love them both to bits. joe is more undercover cuz he is not signed with the bureau. st kildas private, so its better than the bereau i guess. less red tape. Grace silva compared to lacey sherlock..
grace is fiercer. come to think of it, i dont know much about lacey though. ): I LOVE DILLON'S ABILITY TO CONNECT! you and that little girl autumn. your latest was absolutely fun.

lets talk about lowell's books. i am wrong about not wanting to read her books. if i didnt give it a chance, and read the wrong hostage, i WOULDNT have known st kildas at all. that is a great loss. )))):

i met a new guy today. from howard's book, cry no more. JAMES ALEJANDRO XAVIER DIAZ. <3
omgosh. you are just like reacher, just quieter and you have less gears grinding in up there! reacher thinks alot more. i love the way he explains his thoughts and the next move.
i didnt know you were a family man Diaz. (: surprised me there.


the ending to the book rocked totally. never had i seen an ending that didnt land the ICU, or a near death experience. this is FRESH! milla was wrecking the kitchen and what did you do? let her and next thing i knew you were out of the house buying a plates from a yard sale. mismatched but that was not whatever i expected (:

anybody who wanted to speak to you you turned up. just like reacher.
no strings attached.

let me make a list of the new loves:
1) Joe faroe- St kilda's consulting head
2)Rand McCree- you had your twin executed by Bartone.
3) Owen Walker- the ruby expert! you and the boating incident with that mad granny
4) Zach Balfour- with Jill Breck the river girl. The paintings!

The coldest: Reacher and Diaz.
The mushiest: Owen walker

omg i just realised that LINDA howards latest is out: death angel.

goooooooodnes..



bye guys,
gtg

love lots.
chelles.t

hey alex! Been thinking these few days, how it will be like to have a twin. A guy twin. Will he be like me? Or will we look the same? I guess we will be similar and I can't imagine a fat brother cuz none of them are fat. (: then what will he be doing when I'm writing now? Mayb he likes reading? Cuz gaming is not really an option here.. ah, or will he be like gabriel? Eating and eating but not growing any fatter. I'd be good if we were in the same school but in diff classes. then he will take up sports, unlike me and take physics. mum said we will surely fight. Unless he is really the soft kind of guy and give in.. (: but I don't think that will happen cuz look at all 4 of us, none of us are the real giving in type. if I had a twin sister, hm, wonder if she'll be like me? Eep! Don't like that. Woah later she's the thin fairer fairy girl I will give up living. The man charmer! eepp! but I don't think she will be like that. Cuz mum will not let that happen! (: now at least I dont have any sisters to fight with, like getting angry over minute things like hair bands or food. I get why I am living with these brothers. God saw the problem when I was young and gave me more boy siblings. mayb if I had a deviant twin who smoked, got tattoos and danced, then life will be totally different. Yeah, that's why all the other are younger. Can't imagine having an older sibling. Then will they be nice to me? But I think we will still fight if the age gap is close. sigh, life is not like sims, can't just shift click, add to household or move objects on and delete the sim away. Then we will have to need for marriage or death. jo is here alr. Gtg, say hi to the dog and robin for me.. (: miss you in sims cuz the whole neighbourhood file was corrupt. (: oh you must get to know the damonds better. You came to the party alisson damond organised remember? And everybody was tapping their feet waiting to eat in the kitchen... (: I love dou-joon damond. He is the cutest, in a jap way, sim I ever saw, slight hint of masculinity, lesser compared to henry damond. Ive damond, you better thank alisson and doujoon for making ambrosia to bring you back to life. I spent the whole afternoon and doujoon quit work just to max out the cooking skill. And I dug a hole in a ground to make a fishing pond just to catch the deathfish! Alisson did it for you. (:

Gtg, really. Love you, alex, jack and doujoon! Doujoon, you are the fist sim recognised here! After what, 2 years of sims gameplay? Btw I have dillon savich on my table. (: nights.


Love, chellest.

hey alex, i dont know why he is being like that. and i dont mean any of my brothers.
why why why
i know i made a mistake of rather ignoring him during that day and iT WAS WRONG.

im trying to make amands but he dosent want to respond to my sms or what answering me coldly on FB.

ugh.
tell me whether all these is worth it. sigh, people tell me there are so many better ones out there and dont bother about the past but can I? fine, i think i know what. you are thinking that ever since i got that prize or that sch i became a different person? well you're wrong. i dont forget about the past and this is a case of my GOOd friend ignoring me.


i thought we were past that.
why are we not?
why?
i know we didnt go out or any of that sort but we always hung out in sch..
maybe im wrong about everything.

alex, tell me how... and i must not feel the pressure cuz its bad for me.
nows not the time, not the time at all. -----------.--------------
anyway, people tell me that he is behaving more like my bff than any other thing.
thats why he is jealous? COME ON! cant you see past the schools thing? SO WHAT IF WE ARE IN DIFFERENT SCHOOLS?

yeah this gives you an additional excuse to ignore me. I dont even know what your number is now.
why has things turned out to be like that.
why.

even the other has still kept in contact even if we are in different schools? I dont blame my class for having an unequal ratio of girls to boys cuz i landed in a class of all boys for my chinese class
and i think i will miss them? maybe miss the quiet peace, miss the sleepy atmosphere and the chance for me to speak up without being judged. or maybe i am being just that its not so bad? cuz their guys but u cannot be sure.. look at the case above.

from now on, I AM OFFICIALY in a girls school.
i might as well be asexual and reproduce by binary fission. ): nevermind. I must not think too much. the most i can do is to read and watch gossip girl? but i dont feel the same when i watch gg and korean dramas. the feeling is different. when the cast is feeling disappointed in gg, i dont really feel the sense of sadness unlike in taiwanese or korean dramas. WHY?

like in eng fiction? its as though there's no severity in anything. theres only one way to feel like it and its though the actual thing which will never happen or in dreams.
i seldom have any nowadays.
any good ones anyway. ever since sunday with that triple identity guy. (:
thats what i was showing off during our last pw meeting although i didnt get into details.

its that youcandeepbreathe kind of feeling.

alex, i think you can understand how i feel. maybe i should have gone to another school?
but that would not make things any easier.
the cold feet will still appear and i will be in the comfort zone. ---.----
gd but bad for the future.

arg. gtg. mourn over my disappointment
i can expect a i dont want anything to do with you kind of reponse.

):

yours sadly,
CHELLEST.

stupid idiots.

hello alex, i was expecting tomorrow to be okay. BUT NO, we have to have somebody to come along to DESTROY the day. as though my day isnt going to be stressed enough without you. ---.--- you and your childish ways, i have to TOLERATE.
WALKING DOWN ORCHARD WITH YOU. wts.
you dont like shopping and always nag at us, next thing we know u take advantage of our kindness and start demanding for new things. WHY WHY WHY.

when mum says you can buy anything u like to eat u literally take it as though its a free ride and start bulldozing your way through the menu. IT SUCKS to be always on my guard and thinking ahead of u all the time. i cant really believe everything you say cuz i have not really gotten over last time. it seems that we older people are not so forgiving and not so able to forget, it seems.

I DREAD TOMORROW.
I HATE YOU TO COME TO DENTAL.

i forgot i have to pay up. yeah. i have to be civillised tomorrow and not get angry, SEE I HAVE TO CONTROL MYSELF and why should i be doing it on a fun day? why why why. SO ITS NOT FUN ANYMORE.
ugh, she thinks that i have gotten over it, but obviously NOT.
today u get new glasses, tomorrow you want to go out with me, I CANT STAND IT.


@#$%$#$%^$#$%


ARGH,
ALEx!!!!

hey alex. Tell me I can handle this.
Somehow why do I feel that x is blaming me for venting? Don't you care for how I feel? Yeah u may say that I have been the one for so many years getting most stuff and leaving the rest with almost nth. I guess since you have to focus on him so much then I shall take a breather. What's the point of being so nice when obviously your energy is spent on him? I don't get it. I don't like energy diversion you know that. Alex. Now. Come and get me and we shall go to l.a. And we shall feed the koi in your jap pond and things will be fine. No drama. No nth. Yeah we need to help him. When I'm ready for it. I need to xin li zhun bei for everything and as much and you think I'm an adult, I am still a child.

HEY ALEX. I AM FRRRRRIGGGGING PISSED.

with somebody. that IDIOT IS THE CANCER IN MY LIFE
FROM DAY ONE UNTIL NOW.
OMFG
I DUNNO WHAT I DID TO DERSERVE THIS. blasting stripper- soho dolls through the earphones. Love gossip girl. really. they provide a realistic dunno whats sense. too angry to describe anything.

really. IF U GET THAT DISGUSTING DISRESPECTFUL DUMB FRIENDS OF YOURS IN MY LIFE, I WILL BEHEAD YOU. you have caused so much trouble. after chinese a lvls UNTIL TODAY WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MAKE ME PROUD OF YOU. NOTHING NOTHING AT ALL. you have caused MISERY, ANGUISH, FRUSTRATION, and u have finally MURDERED ALL MY GOOD FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU. you revert back to the CFB you were before. ha. i remember that from ages ago. the CFB was written all over the place cuz i hated you so much.

you really force me to do that.
WE GIVE U CHANCE AND AGAIN YET U DONT OPEN UR EYES TO SEE WHATS GOOD FOR YOU. I DUNNO WHAT STOPPING YOU. MUST BE THAT GIRL. OMFG.
IF U MARRY HER I WILL DISOWN YOU.
I WILL.

you think that me being stern with ur freaking friends is a cause for concern? AFTER WHATEVER U SOLD AND STOLE. my tone of voice is NOTHING compared to that. AFTER SLEEPLESS NIGHTS. for mummy that is.
YOU DONT THINK FOR ANYONE EXCEPT YOURSELF. its disgusting self-absorbing and loser material. CUZ UR FRIENDS LIE FOR YOU U THINK THEY ARE GOOD? OMG
U ARE WRONG.
WAKE UP WAKE UP.
i cant do anything. mum cant either. we'l wait and see what God does.

by then, i think it will be too late.
the faster u climb the harder you fall. dont think you have everything now. the cloud of suspicion and distrust ALWAYS envelopes you. dont forget that. never forget that. that stigma will always be there. no matter how good you are on a particular day. just like Blair Waldorf. she dosent do anything which dosent benefit her. like scheming? luckily i didnt inherit that gene.
saying yeah people got gang MUST BE VERY SCARED OF THEM. then why the freak do you even associate with them? CANT U BE MORE DISCERNING? not that i dont open lines of communication. just when i think things are going fine YOU SHOW UR TRUE COLOURS. never spoken truer than a Bass. ( Bart Bass from Gossip girl. )
you make me SICK.
GO AND SAY WHATEVER TO MUMMY.dont think the years of damage u have done can be forgotten just like that.
people rememeber. I dont do blackmail. But i feel like doing it. (:
too bad i have school. if not. yeah. everyday on the phone, on the internet, on GOSSIP GIRL. ha. see if u can every say that I SUCK UP TO MUMMY. better watch ur words.
you irritate me everyday.

alls not forgiven.

morning alex. I can't sleeeeeeeep! Its 610 in the morning and all I can think about is sims! Thinking how I can make them live through extraordinary life. yesterday, ur kids allison and I forgot the guy's name went to school in cars. Their own! Damn cool. Then so far nobody has maxed the cooking, athletic, charisma and writing skill. But somebody is soon. so far I can't really make them go on dates cuz no expansion packS.):
Arg. Really hungry now. But nobody's downstairs and I thought I heard a burglar! hopefully not. Oh yeah. And kaymay and hyun jan junichi died alr. Damn sad. The family that was almost perfect. But dunno how come they broke up! That I don't understand. Through the sims gossip then I knew. ): but anyway, jean jan junichi also died. I Rmb her gardening in her undies ! She's the slimmest tan sim I created. Aiyo. I should create more and upload pics right?? (:


Gtg.

hey alex. I just feel that there are cancers in my life. very irritated by the stubbornness of people and their unwillingness to admit their Mistakes. Ahhh. Just saw u in sims fathering 5 kids! ((((: u were great. Ur fishing lvls are also quite high. just a waste that u can't really communicate through the com. If not..... (: I think I will be glued to the com the whole day. Felt sad today. That yeah he forgot. ok. My fault if he thinks I blew him off that day. Dunno why though I knew he was there but he didn't take the initiative to... Yeah. That's what's stopping me.. Guess I have to take a break, already am, from all those things. now I have to look around and appreciate those things I have and learn from new experiences. ! Wish u were here in replacement. Then maybe I will feel better. Instead of doing through taking care, it will be the other way around. But that will make me irresponsible, but at least, we have the same thinking, though we might be of diff countries. But we have adapted haven't we? People change. leave those lies, theft and anger behind. But I think I'm supposed to experience all these so that I will be wiser?? (: Haha perhaps alex. We all can be wiser. I gtg now. Please remind me to collect the banner.

love ,
Emily.

ARG. alex! help me out here.
now i have to submit a proposal for cp. like i have time to do it like that. i think i have to rush it out immediately after chinese exam. luckily not going bio olympaid if not i would have dieded by then.
sleepy and dizzy..
): and angry.

that woman is always pushing for this and that. and ALWAYS putting alot of pressure on us.
ok fine. i asked for it.
(:

alex alex alex. trying to think of questions and answer them myself. ----.-----
headache. today has been a rough day. found results interesting though.
dunno why all tht things have to clash and clump together.
argh.

no love from me today alex,,


just kidding. (:

alex, dunno whether what I'm thinking is right or not. ): feel confused. Just feeling like how ur mum ignores you for reasons you might not know. ): alone sitting on the bench facing the pond.. Waiting. Its nice and quiet but somehow u don't want to be left alone with ur thoughts. Its rather overwhelming. ): just to say hi alex, love lots.