heyzz, MERRY CHRISTMAS(: unfortunately, im wearing a sackcloth this season instead of a christmas hat. joke right. but anyway not every christmas season is for partying one.

oh well. guess not everybody will live up to your expectations. like please lah dont just whisper sweet nothings and expect that person to take things lightly loh. im a noob okay.
i prayed that our friendship will stay at that level and nothing more. and that prayer came true.
his reputation just nosedived in two days. from bringing her to church and sitting with her. then not talking much. standing one corner with her. then the next day scandalous pictures were posted up on facebook. with an emcee? please lah. i know they are pretty in your eyes but to the extent of letting the girl kiss? that speaks a lot of your value system. instead of me putting on a sackcloth and grieving you should be the one. but i really thank God for this opportunity to be exposed to you so that i know who to keep a distance in future. its kind of sad to start keeping a distance from you even before we can become proper friends. i also thank God for keeping me from relationships until exams are over. i seriously think that this is bad enough to cause a person to be defocused. it takes just one afternoon talking and thats it, you are swept away.


i hate. absolutely. your glib tongue.
you cover up your actions by saying oh i cleared this and this with my girlfriend already so its fine.
that means you can let other girls kiss without a care? you go, guy. you dont go around playing with people's feelings so that you feel good about yourself. i dont want to be carried away by your suaveness and get myself into a mess thats not worth my time. how would people feel? after you ask them out and bring your beloved to the church the next few days? i dont blame you for doing that probably cuz you have been doing that for super long already. i pity those girls that you have conned.
even though i have said all these, i dont hate you and still want to believe that your a nice guy deep down.
but mum says that actions are more than words and i still cant internalise that.
that means i cant be talking to you for long and i cant be friendly with you anymore. thanks very much.
nice christmas present this season yeah.
but all these adds up to experience and im very willing to accumulate those. God ordained ones that is.
i really hope that there are guys that do not go for slutty girls only. then i will not be only left with a black pig to marry. just like what my dream turned out to be.


but anyway, i pray that you would one day turn around and drop that girl if she is not for you. i dont think you deserve her, but maybe in God's eyes, you do, i dont know. i really want you to turn around, be prayerful and repent for all you have done. (:

im still your friend if you need me to talk to you.

love,
emily.

Heyzz.. AFTER SO MANY MONTHS. Im finally back. now with a different purpose and feeling. Alex&Jack, Im sorry to say that though you were my friends were for so long, you would only stay that way. GOD HAS TO COME FIRST. (: im proud to say that. but i'll only say it once cuz its well known that there's pride in humility. learnt that from Elder Seah. ttm he rocks.

I really thank God for directing me to a church so I can experience His glory and the peace I never had all these while. While you are lost out there searching for the things of this world to make you happy, you will never find it cuz this thirst will be unquenchable. I rmbered that time in June when i was walking with Jiang yuan in far east looking around. this sense of misery and hopelessness plagued me. i looked around searching for things to please the eye and found many but none satisfied me. the feeling SUCKS. I never want to return to the person i once was and that feeling was so empty and so unbearable. people may attribute it to the hormonal changes or just mood swings but its no pure coincidence that this feeling plagues you with a sense of foreboding.

I thank God that my church is sound in doctrine and the feeling of joy and happiness that had me when i visited sunset in the evening was priceless. no money or love or friendship can exchange whatever God can give us. when you actually experience the peaceful feeling you never want to let it go.

i admit. it was initially not easy to give up the things of this world esp if they catch onto you so quickly and dont let you go. The romantic suspense books, the magic vampire chinese novels, the druggy house music, gossip girl shows, taiwanese dramas... the list goes on.
God had given me a few reminders. good ones in fact. i thank Him for that. if without Him, i would still be lost in the wilderness and not experiencing the life He wants me to lead. Right now, life is still in the process of rebuilding and all is not a bed of roses. but I believe that God has a will for my family and He will do it His own way.
Im currently listening to Handel's Birthday Ode for Queen Anne. suddenly it comforts me as I think God as our eternal source of light divine.

Ive taken a few big steps, like going for camps and leaving God to help mama at home, going for tracting and to sunset. I dont want to start all over again.

God with you,
Emily.