Heyho. i can comfortably write here. Im sounding like Pia in the game rune factory. Its pia right not sakuya? i keep confusing them cuz both of them work in the same place. .....cant write a burdened post while listening to happy harvest moon winter music. Sometimes i get really frustrated with people.. i know i shouldnt be and i need to help them out but i sometimes think, cant you find it yourself? Like im at my wits end here alr and ppl keep chasing me for things which they can do themselves. Like its your own responsibility and why do you keep having to rely on me.. pls lah be realistic here singapore is each person for themselves when it comes to sch. not funny loh pls. im not RICH and i cant literally buy an education NOT LIKE YOU WHO CAN DO SO ok. i know God says we must help our brethren out so i tell you half the story. and you keep asking PLEASE DONT TELL ME YOU DONT KNOW where to get qns to do loh plz. you are from such a well to do background. What am i? then you act so friendly and keep your other half of your life away from me cuz you know that is something that i wont agree on. then i appreciate the company that God has provided for me in sch but sometimes it gets a little hard. And im not comfortable driven to sch every morning and neither do i have any inheritance. why is it that i dont really have like minded friends like in secondary sch when it comes to studies? ZZ last time friends those two were really sharing i tell you. assessment books we pile tgt and do and compare and we are serious though we were competitors. but i feel difficult if its like coming only from me and nth from you HOW CAN LIKE THAT? aiya mum also says that you are going away anyway so dont really need to care.... but again..im afraid our friendship would just be like ---------- that. a flat line. hmmm. like what is said. friendship built on sand would crumble at the slightest touch. @#$%$#@#$%$#@#$%@#$% zz just tired. good night.

I have things to care for that is beyond my age or so I think. Sigh. Right.

No words can describe how disappointed I am feeling right now.

Hey alex and Jack,

It feels as though I never started teaching at all and as though I never liked it in my life. It just feels as though the life has been sucked out from me and I dread preparing for lessons. Why does things turn out this way? I cannot comprehend.
Im sorry to all my students cuz they truly deserve somebody who would sincerely care for them. I used to have that zest till like what? Today, 5pm? With all these things going on around me I start to lose faith in the people and the profession. Is this what is supposed to happen? First my friends go, taking away all distraction. Then a new batch of "formal" so to speak people come in, then I'm left on my own. To think perhaps? Then the person I so look up to starts revealing the other side of her, making me lose ground. Apparently this makes her shortcoming more obvious. Another aim of God i guess. Why revere man so much when God is there?
Im more independent now, more reflective, anticipating the change of things around me. I dislike my workplace environment. To say that its not the least blessed would be an overstatement I guess. By right, im supposed to be preparing for my lessons tomorrow if not i would just smoke my way through.

This is not good.
Seems like teaching is not cut out for me after all. If I never had the zest for it in the first place I probably never would in the future. It'll all just fizzle out. Im losing hope and love I guess. I do not know what I would do if i end up teaching those classes for the rest of my life. just give up.

zzz.

Thank you dear Lord, You know just what I need. Thank You for giving me the chance today to speak at least that few words. Plus remembering antm that I could watch. Thank You again for helping me out. But I also will continue to pray that You will look after them in whatever they do and do not let them get out of hand dear Lord. That's why I feel that a limb is lost when another person leaves. I'm super sad. Please help me to manage my feelings when term 2 starts. I don't want to behave in an ugly manner when she is around. And I need to be nice and friendly to the new people that are coming in a days time. Eeeeps. Help me. These things are beyond my control and only You know what is going on and going to happen. I commit all things into Your hand. YAY. (:

Loving lots.

Heyzz. First time im doing a blog post via iPhone. No big deal here. I'm feeling rather disappointed with life right now. Seems that I'm finding lots of comfort in food and not wanting to so anything anymore. I'm also sad that my friends are going through all these. Why does it have to be a cas that things are always too good o be true. That peace always has to be broken? And fun always having to end? I'm tired of all these. Like even after exams I dont reallyget to max out enjoyment cuz of hindrances. Yeah I know that im not supposed to
lead a carefree life ( I think nobody does.) damn sian. Why must people
Be like that? Screw up themselves and all. I'm so sad that one by one they are leaving the workroom. Some ppl tell
me that they are unholy community and stuff so
I'm sad. With church friends I'm new and all so
I still fins it quite hard to break into their level. That's another consideration as well. Why is it that the friend I thought I could be good with turned everything around? As weeks went by I felt k morphing into another person. Eversince k left the school. I feel that he has become more withdrawn and acrimonious. I'm sad for k. But at the same time it's supposed to be for the better right? Then why did things go downhill from thy day onwards? I was stoned the next few days, then they got caught on wed. Fri results day. We met up on Tuesday and even Wednesday. And a few more unfruitful times. It seems that we are not meant to meet anymore. Why do things have to gonto this stage? I know the rest are not Of the same. So thats why I find it increasingly hard to hang out with them and play as we used to. This sucks. Seriously. I know God is doing things that make me sad but I know it's for the better. I know k has faults in speaking that way. I know. It's not like I don't. But why must things be made difficult for them? Why? I'm nor even them but I'm feeling so down for them. Ppl say that I shouldn't entrust my happiness on them but they have been my immediate friends for these few months. Even if we are vastly different we stil care for each other what. I guess it's cuz of how they are feeling thats why I feel bad for then. Like all children. Who doesn't like everyone to be happy with each other? I know ppl will say that we should lead our own lives but too bad I'm emotional and I feel for people. I'm just sad cuz it mo longer usd l be the time where wr just stayed back and marked in a group, playing badminton till late, then laughing lots. I think it's cuz I never had so much activities in a row before with jokers.


I find myself worried about things alot. I have God and my mum I know. But seriously I tell you. It's hard to even name some friends whom you have known so long to be friends of the heart. Maybe just me. I do think so. When I attempt to make some of my new friends one, things just fall apart after some golden ages. But looking back, I'm happy to have those past memories. Even if it's all that matters.



I dont know when we will ever speak again.
I'm tired.

THE WEXLEYS
their house- the abandoned nectary in France