Feel like eating some super sticky milky chocolate cake 😊😊

Idk why my belly so painful!! :(

Hehe but have nice toilet nearby 

I get stressed when I listen to ppl having hushed conversations in the lab. It sounds like they're so intelligent 😅

Last night is the first night I never talk to bob 

Sometimes I think what joy says really makes sense. I make things very difficult for myself. And think the worst. And like make myself go through pain and so much pain for nothing. Cuz idk why also. Sometimes I feel I deserve the pain since my life is so tough but I really think I should force myself not to think like that. 

God wants good for me not pain and He will be sad if I keep inflicting pain on myself. Shit. I finally know what I'm doing it's like self emotional harm. I don't think or talk about it I don't understand. It's like a different way of cutting it hurts so bad I tell you my heart literally aches. 

At least I will have stuff to do in lab hehehhehehehe (: happy!! I'm gna do loads of pcr tmr!! If can la and let's think of a Video to watch tmr so I won't be bored and OMGOSH I'm so buying the daiso cute shorts as safety pants they're so freaking cute. Can't wait to buy it.. Can we go tmr?? 😊😊

My kids are the best 

They are so cute 

I love them. 

This is why I wna teach. 

Watching the show doesn't make things any better haha. 

This stupid cartoon called adventure time 

Freak stupid monster kept saying do you think I'm beautiful then the king said I wi always love you and since you're my beautiful wife I will always do. 

Liesfcking lies.   

Everyone lies. Including me. 

Why am I so comforted by the fact that I'm gna spend quality time with my bear. In the garden! 

Tomorrow bob and I will be going for a walk in botanic gardens... A nice long walk. And then to think life through and then maybe talk abit. Bob is really kind. He is such a sweet bear. He says we are going for a picnic too!  

I hope you're desperate enough to do something. Like something. Or maybe I'm the desperate one. Haha. I wish I wasn't. I wish I has a huge ring of guy friends who wanted to be together with me, to want to love me and marry me. But they can't cuz of you. And then they'll be there waiting to go out with me, cuz they won't want me to be lonely, and they don't really care if they wna be with other ppl cuz they NEVER want to. I really wish that could happen. And the amount of resentment that doesn't build up is awesome. Cuz you'll never take my word at face value, you'll never be able to blame me for not being able to spend time with them haha. 

You'll never believe it no matter how many times I tell you I'm okay. I hope you feel really bad about yourself for ditching our plans and believing me when I say I'm okay and pls go ahead. I'm getting better and better at lying. Cuz you just can't wait for me to say oh go and spend time with other people...cuz you know what? One day I won't want to spend time with you anymore. It will come full circle, things will flip over and face the other side. I can't wait for that day to happen. That you'll become me and understand how I feel. Finally. Haha I'm happy I did what I did so I won't be thinking whether you send me anything or not... Cuz I don't need to know you pretend to care. Cuz you secretly can't wait to sneak off and do your things... I just let you go la it's the best thing. Cuz then you'll fight to be together with me, cuz you'll be afraid of losing me. You'll be afraid that we won't have time tgt. You'll really want to treasure all the time we have tgt. 

You think you can get the best of both worlds? Having fun with them then ending the day with me?? Pls no. When I am working so hard at tuition, then having to find a place to go...?! Haha dream on that you can have it easy. Precisely because I don't, I don't want to make it any easier for others also. ESP those ppl close to me. I sound like a crazy person but really. Why should I give anyone a good time when I'm not having one myself? (: you tell me la. 

Haha see how you can do without me 

See how

Since you like yimas house so much right

Like to spend it with the fun and games

Cuz it's more fun than me right? 

Okay la I give you 

Tmr we don't talk don't meet at all 

You can't call can't contact me also 

Gives me a peace of mind so I can just go and give tuition and earn money and save it for myself 

Since you want to spend it with ppl like John and stuff keep going there and stuff 

Not like he is going to be home anyways you think he will be home to accompany you? I'm not your damn backup after him okay. I just feel second class compared to him cuz you're always chasing after him and running after him like it's so good then fitting your timings around his?? Come on. You either fit your timings or your timings. Not mine. Not mine. You don't fit my timing around yours then fit OURS around his. I'm not in a relationship AROUND johns timetable. I can choose to hang around outside alone, no problem. Tmr I'm gna bring Elmo around. 

Haha see how you can do without me 

See how

Since you like yimas house so much right

Like to spend it with the fun and games

Cuz it's more fun than me right? 

Okay la I give you 

Tmr we don't talk don't meet at all 

You can't call can't contact me also 

Gives me a peace of mind so I can just go and give tuition and earn money and save it for myself 

Since you want to spend it with ppl like John and stuff keep going there and stuff 

Not like he is going to be home anyways you think he will be home to accompany you? I'm not your damn backup after him okay. I just feel second class compared to him cuz you're always chasing after him and running after him like it's so good then fitting your timings around his?? Come on. You either fit your timings or your timings. Not mine. Not mine. You don't fit my timing around yours then fit OURS around his. I'm not in a relationship AROUND johns timetable. I can choose to hang around outside alone, no problem. Tmr I'm gna bring Elmo around.