Sometimes I think what joy says really makes sense. I make things very difficult for myself. And think the worst. And like make myself go through pain and so much pain for nothing. Cuz idk why also. Sometimes I feel I deserve the pain since my life is so tough but I really think I should force myself not to think like that. 

God wants good for me not pain and He will be sad if I keep inflicting pain on myself. Shit. I finally know what I'm doing it's like self emotional harm. I don't think or talk about it I don't understand. It's like a different way of cutting it hurts so bad I tell you my heart literally aches. 

At least I will have stuff to do in lab hehehhehehehe (: happy!! I'm gna do loads of pcr tmr!! If can la and let's think of a Video to watch tmr so I won't be bored and OMGOSH I'm so buying the daiso cute shorts as safety pants they're so freaking cute. Can't wait to buy it.. Can we go tmr?? 😊😊