I hope you're desperate enough to do something. Like something. Or maybe I'm the desperate one. Haha. I wish I wasn't. I wish I has a huge ring of guy friends who wanted to be together with me, to want to love me and marry me. But they can't cuz of you. And then they'll be there waiting to go out with me, cuz they won't want me to be lonely, and they don't really care if they wna be with other ppl cuz they NEVER want to. I really wish that could happen. And the amount of resentment that doesn't build up is awesome. Cuz you'll never take my word at face value, you'll never be able to blame me for not being able to spend time with them haha. 

You'll never believe it no matter how many times I tell you I'm okay. I hope you feel really bad about yourself for ditching our plans and believing me when I say I'm okay and pls go ahead. I'm getting better and better at lying. Cuz you just can't wait for me to say oh go and spend time with other people...cuz you know what? One day I won't want to spend time with you anymore. It will come full circle, things will flip over and face the other side. I can't wait for that day to happen. That you'll become me and understand how I feel. Finally. Haha I'm happy I did what I did so I won't be thinking whether you send me anything or not... Cuz I don't need to know you pretend to care. Cuz you secretly can't wait to sneak off and do your things... I just let you go la it's the best thing. Cuz then you'll fight to be together with me, cuz you'll be afraid of losing me. You'll be afraid that we won't have time tgt. You'll really want to treasure all the time we have tgt. 

You think you can get the best of both worlds? Having fun with them then ending the day with me?? Pls no. When I am working so hard at tuition, then having to find a place to go...?! Haha dream on that you can have it easy. Precisely because I don't, I don't want to make it any easier for others also. ESP those ppl close to me. I sound like a crazy person but really. Why should I give anyone a good time when I'm not having one myself? (: you tell me la.